Funny Japanese Show
Patton Oswalt Standup - Comedians
Funny video of John Ryan
Jim Jefferies On Religion Horrible Blasphemy Panda
Nathan Trenholm
Roy Wood, Jr
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
You Know You're Drinking too Much Coffee When...
Image via WikipediaYou know you're drinking too much coffee when... you answer the door before people knock.
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
you ski uphill.
you grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
you haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
you lick your coffeepot clean.
your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
you chew on other people's fingernails.
your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
you can type 60 words per minute ... with your feet.
you can jump-start your car without cables.
all your kids are named "Joe."
Different Breads for Different Sins
Image via WikipediaOn the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, there is a ceremony called Tashlich. Jews traditionally go to the ocean or a stream or river to pray and throw bread crumbs into the water. Symbolically, the fish devour their sins. Occasionally, people ask what kind of breadcrumbs should be thrown. Here are suggestions for breads which may be most appropriate for specific sins and misbehaviors:
For ordinary sins...................White Bread
For erotic sins.....................French bread
For particularly dark sins..........Pumpernickel
For complex sins....................Multigrain
For twisted sins....................Pretzels
For tasteless sins..................Rice Cakes
For sins of indecision..............Waffles
Dear Dr. Laura
Image via WikipediaOn her radio show recently, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative: Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. ...End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Law and how to follow them.
You Know It's Time to Go Home When...
Image via Wikipedia1. You have absolutely no idea where your shoes are. 2. You've just had to get someone to help you pull your pants up in the ladies room.
3. You suddenly decide you want to kick someone's ass.
4. In your last trip to "pee" you realize you now look more like Tammy Faye Baker than the goddess you were just four hours ago.
5. You drop your 3:00 a.m. burrito on the floor, pick it up and carry on eating.
6. You start crying.
7. There are less than three hours before you're due to start work.
8. You've found a deeper side to the office nerd.
Coke Contents
Image via Wikipedia1. In many states the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in the trunk to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of coke and it will be gone in two days.
3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl ...Let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean.
4. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.
5. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a crumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.
6. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away corrosion.
7. To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.
8. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of coke into aload of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains.
9. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.
10. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. Its pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about 4 days.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Funny, Stupid, and Banned Commercials Part 1
Hilarious commercials! Some are foreign, some are banned, all are extremely funny!
SCREW WORK, PLAY GOLF
In 1923, who was:
1. President of the largest steel company?
2. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6. Great Bear of Wall Street?
1. President of the largest steel company?
2. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6. Great Bear of Wall Street?
WHAT MAKES UP 100%
What ,akes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%?
MILITARY ADVICE
"Aim towards the Enemy." -- Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." -- US Army
"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." -- USAF Ammunition Troop
"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." -- US Army
"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." -- USAF Ammunition Troop
NEW ELEMENT DISCOVERED: BUSHCRONIUM
A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Bushcronium.
MLB SPONSORS NEEDED
Since September 11, 2001, Americans have come together as never before in our generation. We have banded together to overcome tremendous adversity. We have weathered direct attacks on our own soil, wars overseas, corporate scandal, layoffs, unemployment, stock price plunges, droughts, fires, and a myriad of economic and physical disasters both great and small.
STOCK MARKET LINGO
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
JOCKS VS NERDS
An answer to the eternal question "Is it better to be a jock or a nerd?"
Michael Jordan will make over $300,000 a game: $10,000 a minute, assuming he averages about 30 minutes per game. Assuming $40 million in endorsements next year, he'll be making $178,100 a day (working or not)!
Michael Jordan will make over $300,000 a game: $10,000 a minute, assuming he averages about 30 minutes per game. Assuming $40 million in endorsements next year, he'll be making $178,100 a day (working or not)!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
What Does Love Mean to Kids?
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca - age 8
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." Karl - age 5
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Looking for a 4th of July Costume or Decorations? by David Apps
Halloween is a favorite holiday around my house so I can’t tell you how surprised and happy I was to find a jewel of a store located right in my own back yard. I had taken my wife to an appointment on Milwaukee Ave in Chicago and noticed a costume store across the street called Fantasy Costumes. I had some time to kill so I decided to give it walk through.
Tattoo Sleeves Are Fun Slip on Body Art by Henry Hall
Tattoo Sleeves are similar to a stocking that slips over your arms or legs to give you a realistic, skin tight looking tattoo. They have been used in movies and on stage to give the actors a more realistic tattoo look.
Most people buy them for the shock value, and to trick their friends and family in to thinking that they have a real tattoo. Some people buy them for fancy dress parties, Halloween, theme parties or to get an idea of what tattoo design they would like to get done permanently.
Most people buy them for the shock value, and to trick their friends and family in to thinking that they have a real tattoo. Some people buy them for fancy dress parties, Halloween, theme parties or to get an idea of what tattoo design they would like to get done permanently.
OurFunnyPlanet by Eva Avram
Entertaining and Humor Blog is Available Now.
OurFunnyPlanet.com presents different interesting and humor articles and pictures from every corner of the planet Earth to give every visitor good mood every day.
OurFunnyPlanet.com started publishing the articles with diverse pictures and interesting information about nature, animals, people and places from all over the world.
OurFunnyPlanet.com is a web site that contains all sort of amusing facts, inspirational quotes, stunning pictures, entertainment articles arranged in? Wide variety of categories.
OurFunnyPlanet.com presents different interesting and humor articles and pictures from every corner of the planet Earth to give every visitor good mood every day.
OurFunnyPlanet.com started publishing the articles with diverse pictures and interesting information about nature, animals, people and places from all over the world.
OurFunnyPlanet.com is a web site that contains all sort of amusing facts, inspirational quotes, stunning pictures, entertainment articles arranged in? Wide variety of categories.
Will Your Dreams Come True?
There’s a surprised chance from Infolinks Blog for you. An intriguing chance and of course, it’s not too difficult to participate. Wrote the Blog (June 17, 2010) is as follows: Exciting news, as part of their general effort to make you, their valued publishers happy they’re launching the Infolinks Dream On contest. As part of this contest, a few lucky Infolinks publishers will get the chance to live out their wildest dream. That’s right; they’re making your dreams come true!
Entering is simple, all you need to do is write a post on your website, blog or on a forum and answer the below 2 questions:
Entering is simple, all you need to do is write a post on your website, blog or on a forum and answer the below 2 questions:
Friday, June 18, 2010
FUN THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR
When a person in the elevator repeatedly pushes a button (such as "close" or "open") say, "Congratulations, you figured out that if you push the button 20 times, it works quicker."
*********************************************************************
When the elevator doors shut, assuringly say, "It's ok, they will open up again!"
*********************************************************************
When the elevator doors shut, assuringly say, "It's ok, they will open up again!"
FIVE KINDS OF SEX
The first is Smurf Sex.
This happens during the honeymoon; you both keep doing it until you're blue in the face.
The second is Kitchen Sex.
This is at the beginning of the marriage; you'll have sex anywhere, anytime. Hence, also in the kitchen.
The third kind is Bedroom Sex.
You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.
The fourth kind is Hallway Sex.
This is where you pass each other in the hallway and say, "Fuck you!"
This happens during the honeymoon; you both keep doing it until you're blue in the face.
The second is Kitchen Sex.
This is at the beginning of the marriage; you'll have sex anywhere, anytime. Hence, also in the kitchen.
The third kind is Bedroom Sex.
You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.
The fourth kind is Hallway Sex.
This is where you pass each other in the hallway and say, "Fuck you!"
MICROSOFT TO BUY GOD
REDMOND, Wash. - May 28, 1999 -- Microsoft Corporation today announced its intent to purchase, copyright, and upgrade God Himself. The new product would be named "Microsoft God," and would be available to consumers sometime in late 1999, before the millennium.
"Too many people feel separated from God in today's world," said Dave McCavaugh, director of Microsoft's new Religions division.
"Microsoft God will make our Lord more accessible, and will add an easy, intuitive user interface to Him, making Him not only easier to find, but easier to communicate with."
The new Microsoft Religions line will be expanded to include a multitude of add-on products to Microsoft God, including:
Microsoft Crusades: This conversion product will bring worshiper accounts and prayer files over from previous versions of God, or from competing products like Buddha or Allah.
Microsoft God for the World Wide Web: This product ties Microsoft God with Microsoft Internet Information Server, making our Lord accessible from the World Wide Web using a standard Web browser interface. It introduces several new Web technologies, including Dynamic Salvation and Active Prayer Pages (APP). Donations for the poor can be made via a Secure Alms Server.
Microsoft Prayers: Using a Windows-based WYSIWYG interface, this product will allow worshipers to construct effective prayers in a minimum of time. A Secure Prayer Channel technology allows guaranteed delivery of the prayer to Microsoft God servers, and Prayer Wizards enable users to construct new types of prayers with a minimum learning curve.
Microsoft Savior: This product will allow worshipers to transfer their sins to its internal Vice Database. After a preset interval, the product will erase itself from the user's system and establish a clear line of secure communications to the user's Microsoft God server.
Additionally, Microsoft is expected to announce a line of complimentary products for the new Religions line, which will enhance the functionality of the Microsoft God server product by providing a customized user interface.
These interfaces will be based on popular religious sects, allowing worshipers to interact with the new God product in much the same way as the previous version. This line is expected to include Microsoft Protestant, Microsoft Catholicism, Microsoft Judaism (incompatible with Microsoft Savior), etc.
Competitor Netscape Communications denies rumors that it is planning to release a competing product, Netscape Satan, that would attempt to render Microsoft God installations inoperable.
"Too many people feel separated from God in today's world," said Dave McCavaugh, director of Microsoft's new Religions division.
"Microsoft God will make our Lord more accessible, and will add an easy, intuitive user interface to Him, making Him not only easier to find, but easier to communicate with."
The new Microsoft Religions line will be expanded to include a multitude of add-on products to Microsoft God, including:
Microsoft Crusades: This conversion product will bring worshiper accounts and prayer files over from previous versions of God, or from competing products like Buddha or Allah.
Microsoft God for the World Wide Web: This product ties Microsoft God with Microsoft Internet Information Server, making our Lord accessible from the World Wide Web using a standard Web browser interface. It introduces several new Web technologies, including Dynamic Salvation and Active Prayer Pages (APP). Donations for the poor can be made via a Secure Alms Server.
Microsoft Prayers: Using a Windows-based WYSIWYG interface, this product will allow worshipers to construct effective prayers in a minimum of time. A Secure Prayer Channel technology allows guaranteed delivery of the prayer to Microsoft God servers, and Prayer Wizards enable users to construct new types of prayers with a minimum learning curve.
Microsoft Savior: This product will allow worshipers to transfer their sins to its internal Vice Database. After a preset interval, the product will erase itself from the user's system and establish a clear line of secure communications to the user's Microsoft God server.
Additionally, Microsoft is expected to announce a line of complimentary products for the new Religions line, which will enhance the functionality of the Microsoft God server product by providing a customized user interface.
These interfaces will be based on popular religious sects, allowing worshipers to interact with the new God product in much the same way as the previous version. This line is expected to include Microsoft Protestant, Microsoft Catholicism, Microsoft Judaism (incompatible with Microsoft Savior), etc.
Competitor Netscape Communications denies rumors that it is planning to release a competing product, Netscape Satan, that would attempt to render Microsoft God installations inoperable.
THE FIRST LINE OF BAD NOVELS
The 10 winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton contest, the one that asks entrants to write the first line of a bad novel (in honor of Victorian author Edward George Bulwer-Lytton who wrote the novel that began "It was a dark and stormy night.")
10. As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber he would never hear the end of it.
9. Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens.
8. With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description.
7. Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the east wall: Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep.
6. Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back-alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved.
5. Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eking out a living at a local pet store.
4. Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do.
3. Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor.
2. Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word fear, a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies.
AND THE WINNER: (See Next Page)
10. As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber he would never hear the end of it.
9. Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens.
8. With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description.
7. Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the east wall: Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep.
6. Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back-alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved.
5. Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eking out a living at a local pet store.
4. Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do.
3. Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor.
2. Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word fear, a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies.
AND THE WINNER: (See Next Page)
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Online Football Ticket Booking by Aliza Victor
To Avoid Last Minute Embarrassment.
FootballClubTickets is famous for providing all arsenal tickets, Liverpool tickets, Chelsea tickets, fa cup final tickets, world cup tickets and other tickets. For more information just go www.footballclubtickets.bz.
You have waited a long to watch Chelsea in action on the weekend. You fascinated your mind with some nail biting moments even before the beginning of the match. However, lost in professional urgency you missed to go to the ticket counter and buy the ticket. Now, what is the option left? Can you afford to compromise with your aspiration of indulging in the actions of Chelsea and enjoy the weekend to the fullest? If the answer is no, this article can help you a lot. In the web world, there is a myriad of choices to buy football match tickets online and avoid any sort of last minute embarrassment.
Gone are the days while you to go to the stadium buying football tickets. Internet has transformed the way of buying and selling of football ticket. There are lots of third party websites at web space who specialize in buying and selling club match and world club tickets. You can buy tickets from these sites in a hassle free manner. The best part of buying football match tickets online is that you save a lot of time and money. These websites also offer discounts on bulk purchases.
While buying football match tickets online you need to keep certain things in mind. First and foremost is booking your ticket with time in hand. Like you there are millions of football crazy fans and seats at stadiums are subjected to limitations. If buying tickets for long awaited matches of world cup and FA, then prior booking is a key factor. Hence, always book your ticket in advance so that there is no last moment embarrassment. While buying tickets online always choose trusted website. It helps you to get genuine tickets. Along with, you need to make sure that the website has secured money transfer system.
Football Club Tickets is a website completely dedicated to buying and selling of club football tickets. It offers you the opportunity to buy all club match tickets including Chelsea, Liverpool, and Arsenal. You can also find world cup and Fa cup final tickets. The best part of buying tickets from it is that all the tickets are genuine. Football Club Tickets offers a secured gateway for online money and data transaction. In the last moment, if you decide not to watch the match, you can sell the ticket too using the website’s selling option. Hence, remain assured and get prepared to be a part of the glory for your favorite football club this weekend.
The Greatest Place If You Are Looking For T Shirts Chinese
Tariq Ghazi
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